The Me, Me, Me Epidemic by Amy McCready

Author:Amy McCready
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2015-07-23T04:00:00+00:00

THE EMPATHETIC RESPONSE

An effective consequence is allowed to speak for itself. The beauty of consequences is that they need very little involvement on our part to do their job. So why is it so hard to hold back an “I told you so” the next time our teenager insists on sandals in January? We all struggle with wanting to drive the point home by commenting (sometimes not so kindly) on the fact that we were right about cold feet all along. Unfortunately, any kind of “I told you so” in word or attitude unravels the positive effects of the consequences.

When we rub it in or try to prove we were right, the child gets defensive, and her anger and blame turn toward the parent rather than on her own poor decision. This is classic entitled behavior. If we truly want our child to change his behavior, we have to let him own his choices and take personal responsibility—which is the opposite of entitlement.

We can, of course, offer empathy if our child seems to want to talk by saying something to the effect of “That must’ve been rough walking around with cold feet all day!” And leave it at that. Your child feels heard without feeling chastised or shamed as well—and the consequence has been allowed to do its job. She’ll be more likely to make a different choice next time if you don’t spout out “See? I told you!”

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